Handbags, Books...Whatever

Handbags, Books...Whatever (http://www.vickibatman.blogspot.com) is the website of Vicki Batman, sassy writer of sexy and funny fiction. Handbag lover. Avid Jazzerciser. Mah jong player. Yoga practioner. Movie fan. Book devourer. Choc-aholic. Best Mom ever. And adores Handsome.

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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

So what about all those lines guys use on girls? #datinglife #romance #comedy #cozymystery #MFRWorg

When I dated in college, a young man asked me if I wanted to see his hamster. The instantaneous thought I had was "weirdo with something else up his sleeve" and maybe my radar hadn't been working.

Seeing the skeptical look on my face, the guy said, "No, really, I have a hamster."

Again, I waited. I'd heard about the etching line used to lure girls to a guy's place with the hopes interesting things could take place under the covers. I still leaned toward a big fat no.

I asked, "Why do you have a hamster?"

He shrugged. "Can't have a cat in the dorm." Then he added, "I know what you're thinking..."

Damn right I was.

"The hamster is for real."

I sighed and decided to go. I could use my pretend karate if I had to. FYI: the hamster was for real.

When I wrote Temporarily Employed, my heroine, Hattie Cooks, knows hero cop Allan Wellborn. He's her best friend's brother. But we're all aware people change over time. Here's a fun dialogue run between the two:

No frisking and no arrests were--so far, in my book--a good thing. As Sarah Anne’s older brother, I found it easy to eliminate him from the stalker, murderer, and rapist categories. The something in the truck line sounded similar to approaches used in past dating experiences. For instance:

“Want to come up and look at my etchings?”

Translated: A roll in the hay.

Or the ever popular “Would you like to meet Mr. Lizard?”

Translated: Mr. Wiggly Worm.

“How about coming to my place for a drink?”

Translated: To ply me with multiple drinks and the requisite roll in the hay.

I hadn’t fallen for those then and wasn’t going to be a sucker now.

He stuck his hands on his hip and said, “I know what you’re thinking. I’m not a stalker, murderer, or rapist." 

Apparently, he could read minds.

"Just a minute." I closed the door partially to release the chain, then opened it. “Why can’t you just tell me whatever it is?”

“No. I want to show you---”

“Not a Picasso?” I asked.


“Not an iguana?”

A perplexed expression crossed his face. “A what?”

“Not your pet worm?”

“What pet worm?”


          “Look, I don’t know what you’re thinking. The only worms I know about are for fishing.”

Has anyone ever done this to you?
For more TE fun, go to: Amazon The Wild Rose Press


Laura Strickland said...

My husband STILL likes to use groaner lines on me. His favorite? "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together." Great post and the book looks like fun!

Sydell Voeller said...

Delightful post, Vicki! Love your use of humor. You do it so well.

vicki batman said...

Hi, Laura! Oh my, that is so funny and I might have to stick it somewhere for the future. Thank you!

Hi, Sydell! Thank you so much. I like the Picasso and Iguana part and tickle myself when I read it.

Florence Cronin said...

Vicki, I said it before and I'll say it again. I love your sense of humor. Truly? Mr.Wiggly Worm?

It might take some time to eradicate that image ... but the hamster story was cute. Imagine that ... he told you the truth. Some disarm with the truth to comeback later ... will we ever know what happened?

vicki batman said...

Hi, Florence! I couldn't resist Mr. Wiggly Worm. I know, I'm warped. Here's more to the story: I did date this young man for several years and said no when he asked me to marry him. :( I wasn't ready. But then I got Handsome!

Eve Mardis said...

LOL .... um, hamster. K ... Unfortunately, no funny pick up lines in my past. *sigh*

vicki batman said...

Hi, Eve! No lines? lol. I'll share that one with you. I also had one use telescope. lol

chris keniston said...

have to admit - nothing to compete with the hamster :)

vicki batman said...

Hi, Chris! The hamster is pretty funny. I'd only been on campus a couple of weeks and didn't know him very well. The hamster threw me off.

Melissa Keir said...

What a funny post! I'm sure that the hamster was a great way to break the ice.

Angela Adams said...

Or the ever popular “Would you like to meet Mr. Lizard?” Translated: Mr. Wiggly Worm.

I have to admit to not even know this line existed, but it's giving me a good laugh. Thanks.

vicki batman said...

Hey, Angela, sometimes, im amazing lolol

vicki batman said...

Hi, Melissa! You know, I'm surprised more of the people who popped by didn't have a line. Maybe the hamster one stunned them. Hugs!

Angelina Jameson said...

Great post. I don't have a great line to share, unfortunately. :)

Ashantay said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing your guys' lines.

vicki batman said...

Hi, Angelina and Ashantay! No guy lines? LOL. Maybe you didn't encounter any. Thank you for stopping by.

Debra Doggett said...

Too funny. Isn't it wonderful how all those things come in so handy when you're a writer. There's a place for all the crazy stuff that made you groan, lol.

vicki batman said...

Hi, Debra! I was so clueless back then and had to go with my instinct about what??? Yep, a lot of stuff from background, what people say or do shows up because it's the whole truth can be stranger than fiction thing. lol

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